Dear Aunty Emm
I hate the farm
I hate Kansas
I'm taking the dog...

Staying in a hotel is always good - and staying just 3 hours away from my next stop feels like heaven. I have all the time in the world to spend on the internet, figuring out where I'm going, eat a leisurely continental breakfast, and go shopping, culminating in a haircut at "Hair & Tan." I skip the tanning session, but get a pretty good cut.

I'm now in family territory again. I'm dipping down to Kansas City primarily to see my aunt Betsy, who I haven't seen since my aunt Kay's funeral. I've been booked into Mike's Tavern, which, according to its own website, is "legendary."

My googled directions lead me through the city - two cities actually. Like alternative realities, there are 2 Kansas Cities, one in Kansas and one in Missouri. I know very little about either of them, so I turn to Wikipediea:

Kansas City, Missouri sits at the junction of the Missouri and Kansas Rivers and sits opposite Kansas City, Kansas. It is the largest city in the Kansas City Metropolitan Area, the most populous city in Missouri, the seventh largest city in the Midwest, and the 40th most populous city in the United States. The city's tap water was recently rated the cleanest among the 50 largest cities in the United States, containing no detectable impurities.

Yep. Apparenty it's known for it's tapwater - at least on Wikipedia.

Despite having all the time in the world and google-mapping the heck out of the town, I still get lost, need to get directions from a girl in a KFC drivethrough, and get to the club just in time. The legendary Mike's tavern is kind of run down and situated in a dark, unpopulated area (but then the best legendary bars are).

Here's what their writeup on their website says:

Mike's is a place where the unexpected happens. David Bowie's band played here. George Wendt (Cheers) honed his beer guzzling character Norm at the end
of the bar while a student at nearby Rockhurst University. When Paul Rudd (Friends, Clueless, Cider House Rules) visits family and friends in Kansas City, he makes it a point to stop by. You never know who you'll bump into here, so come on in and surprise yourself.

It's actually a nice place. Coming from smoke-free Toronto, I'm still surprised by smoking being allowed in bars, but otherwise, it's a good enough little place. George Wendt and Paul Rudd are nowhere to be found, but my Aunty Betsy and her friends Bill and Kelly are there.

Between catching up with them, I hang out and set up. There's a low hanging speaker on stage with a sign underneath it that reads "watch out for speaker." Which is great if you happen to be underneath the speaker, but if you're on stage, climbing down, you quickly brain yourself. There's not much audience yet, but they think it's pretty funny. At the bar I'm given less sympathy - "Yep. Everyone hits their head on that thing."

I hang out in the back with Nathan Singleton & His Sideshow Tragedy (www.nathansingletonmusic.com) - two guys from Austin who are on the last show of a short tour. Nathan's the front man, who plays dobro and rocks out like nobody's business. His Sideshow Tragedy is Jeremy Harrell on drums. I ask Jeremy if he's okay with being a sideshow tragedy and he says, "well, it's cooler than being Nathan Singleton!" Good folks - and awesome musicians - more on them later.

I've been booked by a booker who I've never met and I find out that there are FOUR bands on the bill tonight. One is heavy metal, the other no one in the bar knows anything about, and NS&HST is kind of bluegrass rock. I have no idea where I fit in, but probably better with Nathan, who are right after me. The downside to having FOUR bands is that I have to go on quite early and there's really not much crowd. My Aunty Betsy and her friends, three guys who liked it when I hit my head. And in the back a bunch of drunk college kids all dressed up - one as Captain America.

As I'm just about to start I hit my head on the stupid speaker again. The three guys in the audience love it. I tell the crowd that "I probably have a concussion at the moment, so your job is to clap as loudly as possible and keep me awake."

Honestly, I don't remember much of the show. It goes okay. Some of the crowd likes it, but I can't seem to capture them like other shows - maybe it's because they're there for heavy metal or, what I find out later, the last band's ambient lyric-less prog rock. I blame it on the concussion. Still, it's not a bad show - just not brilliant.

Afterwards, while NT&HST are setting up, I tell the bar that they should just tape a towel against the speaker, which they do - I feel like I've left my mark.

Nathan & Jeremy startup and are AWESOME. Killer dobro slide action by Nathan and catchy grooves by Mister Tragedy on drums. Very good stuff. I buy a $7 tshirt afterwards and everyone buys their CDs. In comparison, I sell only one or two. Sigh. Still, we make friends, trade CDs and I get an invite down to Austin.

I listen through the next bands, waiting to get paid. As promised the 3rd band is heavy metal and the 4th is prog rock - kind of cool, and some great players, but I want someone to get on stage and sing with them. The crowd, on the other hand, is there for them, dancing and grooving along.

I'm exhausted, so I talk to the bar and get paid... $30. Since there's only one of me, I get less than the rest. Frankly, the fact that NT&HST get only $50, when they have to get all the way back to Austin the next day is a bit of an insult. Here's a quick rant: don't book 4 bands with two out-of-towners as openers - they will have barely any audience and will be annoyed that you gave them less than the gas to get to town.

Do I sound like I'm getting tired of touring yet? Mostly I'm just upset at myself for not getting the guarantee in writing.... or maybe I'm a little tired of it. I'm sick of driving 10 hour days and am looking forward to seeing Irene in Chicago.

I head back to my aunt's and we stay up hanging out. Betsy, like her cats, is pretty much nocturnal, so we stay up till 3, when I can barely keep my eyes open. It's lovely to see her though and go through old family papers - and great to catch up when it's not a funeral.