Some friends of mine put together an annual Holiday CD - everyone contributes songs, singing, playing, etc. including a song made up on the spot "Wind from the North" and a cute little original called "Coal on Christmas" (with a little "jetpack" reference for you jetpack finders out there). Listen to both in the music section above.

And for more holiday tunes off the CD, check out http://www.myspace.com/songsfortheholidays. If you'd like a copy of the whole CD, let me know and I'll make sure Santa puts one in your stocking.

So I'm prepping for my last couple shows and I head down to the basement to grab more CDs... except there aren't any... where did my CD's go? Didn't I used to have 1000 CD's down here???

It's been a year since my first CD printing of 1000 CDs and... I'm almost sold out!!! HOLY!

I know, I know. I haven't exactly gone platinum here... but I'm still pretty proud of myself. Although I'm still about 20 CD's away from selling out completely.

SO I NEED YOUR HELP. I'm biased, but I'm pretty sure that David Hein CD's make excellent Christmas presents. I've got you down for 5 each. Seriously, if you'd like to help me make 2007 amazing while giving the joy of independent music, you can purchase a CD at www.indiepool.com.

A couple shows to report on. I played out in Etobicoke at the Brickyard BBQ - an awesome big fun place filled with nice folks. Despite the giant my-name-in-lights sign outside, it was a wintery day and not many people came - but the lovely Karen Lynne Sinden came out with her posse and a guy named "Shakey" danced right in front of me by himself for about half an hour. Due to Shakey's awesome dance moves, I'm booked back in there for Jan. 18th and... wait for it... May 30th! One of the waitresses liked me a lot and booked me for her grandmother's birthday party this Summer.

Next stop, the NOW lounge - my last show there, since they're closing it Dec. 31st. Matt Humphreys had invited me to join him for a Christmas party - we'd postered, we'd facedbooked, and we promoted our hearts out, even getting lots of presents for everyone who came (the grand prize was cool drum sticks that you can plug into your ipod and drum along... and a pretty sweet M&M dispenser). Still, despite our best laid plans, we only got a small crowd - which wouldn't normally be a problem, but 2 days before the show I found out that Matt had put down a $260 deposit based on making back $750 at the bar - kinda scary - so even after our nice crowd downed a number of drinks we were still out a fair ways. So we both paid about $85 to play a show... yeeeeeha...

Next day, I headed to York U, my alma matter to play a Winters College anniversary show... unfortunately I got stuck playing in the lobby with a nice guy... who graduates in 2010. Had a generally good time but felt slightly ancient.

Okay - on to the good shows. I picked up the lovely and talented Ms. Evalyn Parry (www.evalynparry.com) and we cruised up to Ottawa where we were sharing a houseconcert. We got in just in time to hit the Canadian Folk Music awards with performances by the Duhks, Tamara Nile, and many other amazing folks. I got to sit next to my old friend, Alan Neal, CBC radio personality extraordinaire, who was presenting 'best kids album' - and cheered for some favourites - The Gruff, Anne Lindsay (congrats, Anne!), Oh Susanna, etc. Unfortunately, we hadn't eaten and Evalyn and I got plenty tipsy and almost starved to death waiting for the sumptuous sandwich platters afterwards.

Next day, I'm at Chapters for an afternoon show - the Rideau Center has one of my favourite Chapters - they position me at the top of the escalators and I get plenty of shocked "wait... wasn't I just in a bookstore" faces as people arrive on the 2nd floor. Outside as I'm coming in, I meet a homeles guy named "Crazy Dave" who sells poetry - I buy one of his tunes for $5 and turn it into a song later - "In The Rear View" - soon to be a huge co-writing hit for both of us hopefully. I play for a while for some old friends and new, make up a bunch of songs including an "I hate working retail at Christmas" tune which the Chapters employees all seem to relate to...

That night, Evalyn and I play our house concert at my Moms - best venue ever - you get to play in socks and go to sleep at the venue. The show goes great (despite a sad, sad attempt to make up a song about my moms' house plants... although a new tune called "My Mothers' Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding" seemed to be a hit) - anyway, the audience was lovely and Evalyn was amazing as usual. Next day, we dig the car out of a snowstorm and slip n slide our way back to Toronto.

Okay, I've been delinquent in blogging lately and I blame it mostly on Guitar Hero II. For those of you, who don't know "Guitar Hero" is a popular video game which features a small fisher-price looking "my first guitar" with which you play rock tunes.

Now some of you have pointed out, "um... don't you already play rock tunes and a real guitar?" and the answer is "yes." BUT, for some reason this is still a pretty awesome game.

This morning I finished the game on medium level an am celebrating by blogging. I'll cover a bunch of shows including a Margaritaville-themed Insurance Broker convention, an empty pool hall, a sort-of CD release, and a totally sick show. Pretty exciting stuff.

HARVEST HUSTLE

But first, I wanted to thank John at the Moonshine Cafe in Oakville for having me out to play for the "Harvest Hustle" which for some reason I kept thinking was called "Happy Hoedown" or something like that. It's a celebration of Oakville that involves jogging somehow - I'm unclear on the details - but it was a lovely day in a park.

INSURANCE ROCK

Next I played at the IBAO convention (or Insurance Brokers Assocation of Ontario to those of you not in the know) at the Royal York hotel downtown. Each insurance company has a "hospitality room" with food, drinks and entertainment. There are a lot of comapnies, and a lot more insurance brokers, so for one night the hotel is FILLED with drunk insurance people. My company, Aviva, hired my band to played their "Margaritaville" themed night. I was told to "play a bunch of Jimmy Buffet tunes" and also to "make it a rocking dance party." I was also told to "keep it quiet enough for people to talk over" while "kicking the ass of the insurance company next door." Ummmmm...

I haven't played with a band in a bit, so I brought out some new folks to work with - Devrim Eleleki (who also plays with Blue Venus) and David Pontello (who plays with Swamperella) played guitar and drums. Both recently played on my Puretracks/Fastrax promo album and both rock. Multi-instrumentalist Jeff Daze played bass and Adlai Waxman played keys (son of Alan Waxman, but not THE "Al Waxman", although he also has a son named Adlai... it's confusing).

With only 1 rehearsal, we pulled off 3 Jimmy Buffet tunes (Margaritaville, Cheeseburger in Paradise, and Come Sunday... I hate Cheeseburger in Paradise), as well as a ton of new tunes - this was all a bit ambitious and stressful, but the boys were excellent. At the hotel we're given hawaiin shirts covered with parrots (a "polly" blend, as Dan points out later) - we setup and and start playing - a pretty cool show, actually - everyone digs the tunes ("China Grove" is particularly popular for some reason) and we get a good number of drunk brokers dancing.

Afterwards it takes 80 hours to load out, since every insurance company has a band, a design company, and full sets, and they are all loading out in the one working elevator. Parking costs $46, but all in all a pretty awesome insurance convention.

A SORT-OF RELEASE PARTY:

Next show was down at C'est What, for a sort-of CD release party for my Fastrax/Puretracks promo CD. Adlai & Jeff came along for the fun and Clark Allore joined us on drums. The audience of, apparently, insurance and theatre fans was excellent. Onstage we switched between 3 bass players, bringing on Rando of the Showflies and Eli from Flickershow. There were plenty of train wrecks, but no one seemed to notice and we had a ball. Flickershow played after us and played a great set.

POOL PARTY:

David, Jeff and I later rocked out Dooly's pool hall up in Vaughan. Dooly's is trying to open up Thursday's by bringing out live music - unfortunately, no one seemed to know this, and Dooly's is the size of a stadium. The few folks who did show up seemed to enjoy themselves - and, aside from having to drive all the way back to Woodine & Danforth to get the mixer which I'd forgotten, it was a pretty fun show.

SONGWRITERS UNITE:

Finally, I played a night at Russel Leon's Songwriter's Unite Night down in Graffiti's in Kensington Market - an awesome night that features some amazing songwriters monthly. I was sicker than sick, but still decided to play since I had some work friends coming out. Therese Texeira brought out her whole dragonboat racing team, a nice bunch of folks - who got rung out by the first performer for talking too much (although if I couldn't handle people talking during my sets, I would have stopped years ago... sheesh). My good friend Sam came in from Thunder Bay for the show and brought a friend from Hamilton. And my co-worker, Barry got loudly drunk and awesome. My set ended with random people dancing in the street behind me and kicking off their boots. Sweet!

Okay - enough blogging - back to Guitar Hero.

Thanks to everyone who came out to C'est What last Wednesday for my SORT-OF CD RELEASE PARTY. It was a totally fun night featuring 3 bass players in one set, a couple new tunes, and some C'est What Apricot beer. For those of you who missed the memo, last month Puretracks.com & Aviva shipped 10,000 CDs of my music across Canada. They featured 2 new exclusive tracks, which you can hear here in my music section.

Thanks to everyone who came out for the Gryffin-the-cat Fundraiser. My friend, Marisa found a poisoned cat and brought it to a nearby vet. A whopping bill later she was much, much poorer, so we threw a shindig to raise some dough - and raise it we did - thanks to all you generous souls, we raised over $750. Thank you all!

I played an hour set or so, including a questionably brilliant cover of Margaritaville and some new tunes, including one where the lyrics are verbatim Mapquest directions - impossible to remember, but fun.

If you couldn't make it and would still like to donated, please do so here.

Didn't know I just released a new album? And that I sent out the 10,000 pressing in one day? Read on - and visit www.puretracks.com to purchase the 2 new tracks!

A couple weeks ago, JoAnne, my boss at Aviva, where I work, decided to promote one of their products ("Fastrax") by offering music downloads from Puretracks - Canada's leading download site - and approached me to promote the whole thing by offering up a CD of my music...

She asked whether we could put "Subway Sparrow" - her favourite song - on the disc. Unfortunately it wasn't recorded yet, but I suggested, sort of joking, that I could write a song called Fastrax and then we could record both at the same time. And who knew? They bought it! I started writing Fastrax songs.

I wrote 2 new tunes - and also adapted "Smart" - my song I wrote to pitch Smart Canada to give me a smart car to tour with - which failed. I still play the song all the time and the band likes it, and the themes seemed sort of similar. Anyway, I pitched one new tune and the new version of Smart, now renamed "Fast Track" - which we picked.

Out in the open I've been broken but patch up
The catch? There's no catch. I'm just coasting
Out on the road no stopping, there's no more problems
They may say that that's the wrong way
but hey, I'm loaded with options, I'm floating

Hi, Hi How you doing today?
Maybe the best thing we could wish is for a getaway these days
Why - Why are we losing our way?
Well who cares if the finish line's far
Anyway we go is Smart

I changed the last two lines to:

We'll just laugh at the world flying past
We're on a Fast Track

And ta-da! Instant cool sell-out song!

One week later, I've booked a ton of musicians and a studio. What's great about using someone else's money is that it gives you free rein to experiment, so I got to work with Brian Moncarz at Whirlwind sound. He recently produced The Junction and is a hot upncomer - we met to talk about doing my last CD but didn't get to, so this seemed like a cool opportunity.

I also booked Jeff Daze, my bass player & drummer extraordinaire (Jeff calls "Fast Track" my sell-out song - he likes to interject "Gap! Nike! Burger King!" into it). For guitar, I asked Devrim Elelekli who's is currently touring with Kalan Porter - increasing my Canadian Idol connection. And on drums I asked David Portello - who I've played with before for another Aviva show - he's a tight drummer and a nice guy to work with.

Our keyboardist, Robby, was recommended by Brian and I got Kevin Fox, who plays with Danny Michel and Damhnait Doyle - and who I'm a huge fan of - for cello on Subway Sparrow.

The timelines were a bit ridiculous. We had 2 days to record 2 songs, 1 night to mix, 1 night to master, and 1 night for interactive CD bits. Everything had to go right or we wouldn't get it to press on Friday in time to get it to a convention by the 12th.

Thursday, Jeff & David laid down a tight rocker rhythm for Fast Track, and then we chiseled away at the sparse arrangement for Subway Sparrowm, trying to find a balance between heartfelt and cheesy and between rich and overdone. Brian was busy during the recording (he's engineering an album with Producer David Bottrill (Peter Gabriel, Tool, Silverchair)), so I got to play producer a bit - which I found, at least in the start, has everything to do with just hiring the right players and letting them play - and then just telling them what you like. This producing stuff is a snap.

Jo-Anne came by with her partner, Jean-Guy and we all agreed that this was WAY, WAY cooler than our day jobs.

Awesome multi-instrumentalist, Jeff laid down the riff for Fast Track and David threw in some tambourine for fun. I'd hoped to get to vocals, but all we got down is acoustic guitar and by the end, Andre, my engineer, and I were so tired we're slurring, so we head home.

Friday, we're back at it. We finish the acoustic, fixing some holes and head right into keys. Robby does some amazing organ on Fast Track - totally channelling Bob Wiseman from Blue Rodeo. Andre and I are enjoying it so much we just keep recording take after take. Then we switch over the grand piano in the studio and find some beautiful takes on Subway Sparrow. I really like second verse:

My grandma had a clock she kept it in the kitchen
Every hour chimed [and the piano plays this nice chiming bit]
And out a little window came a little bird
Who whistled her the time [and the piano kind of whistles... it's really pretty]

Again, I wish we had time for vocals, but Kevin Fox arrives and we head into cello land. This is old hat for Kevin, who says, "just let me try something" after hearing the tune. Kevin's version of "trying something" is laying down a brilliant 3-part string section which fits perfectly. It's stunning.

Jo-Anne drops by again, this time with her son, Andrew, a budding young guitarist who drools over everything in sight.

Again, no vocals for the wicked, because Devrim arrives and brings out 18 guitars and 27 pedals. This where producing gets hard because Devrim offers any sound you could every possibly want - but I just ask him to keep playing and stop him when I like things. I like a lot of things and we lay them all down. Andrew sits behind him and tries to copy the riffs.

Finally, finally, finally with very little voice left, we record vocals at midnight. I have many regrets on this - that the organ and the cello had to be mixed low - but mainly I'm pretty precious about my vocals and one shot late at night is not enough. But still, we get some okay takes and cut them down by, I don't know, 3 in the morning or so.

I get the weekend off.

Monday night, we start mixing at midnight. I bring supersized cokes so that we stay awake. Brian mixes everything perfectly - we talk a lot - and I get out of there by 4:15am. Home by 5, Asleep by 6, 2 hours sleep, and I'm back in the office. Wheeeee!

Getting to work on my music at work is awesome, but getting the CD artwork & interactive stuff ready is a ton of work - just barely getting it ready in time to master it with Erik Kofler, who mastered my first disc. Mastering at its simplest is about making a bunch of individual songs sound good together - like an album - and Eric's very good at it - getting Subway Sparrow to still sound intimate (and audible) next to Fast Track's big rock.

I test the disc on the way to Indie Pool the next morning and then hand it off.

5 days later, 10,000 CDs are shipped across Canada - which I believe is platinum... in Finland. It's at least VERY COOL for a Canuck indie artist.

I've got a box of my own of these, so if you're into getting an exclusive tune or two, or are into commercial insurance solutions - I'll be giving away some at future gigs.

This week 10,000 CDs with my music on it are being sent across the country. If you've come from the Fastrax/Puretracks promotion, welcome to my site! Check out my blog section for a journal of how the new exclusive tunes were recorded.

Two new exclusive Puretracks tunes were also recorded - the much-requested "Subway Sparrow" - featuring cello by Kevin Fox - and "Fast Track" - a reworking of "Smart." Listen to both in the music section and let me know what you think.

Last weekend I air miled my way out to Brandon, Manitoba for the Brandon Folk Festival - 3 days of amazing music, new friends, and some good adventures including kitten attacks, cruising in a car with no brakes, frisbee trash-talking, drunken bonfire jams, and a lot of people obsessed with jetpacks...

=====================

FRIDAY

To get to Brandon, I have to leave early early early. For some reason, Air Miles only has early or late flights, so I leave at 8 in the morning (okay, it's not THAT early, but I'm pretty stupid tired, having finished packing the night before at 1am and having to leave at 6).

The plane ride is smooth - I get the "next to the emergency" door seat, which mean I get more leg room - important for 6'3" people. Unfortunately, the kids behind me have decided to scream the whole way, so I plug my ears with headphones and watch music videos on my cool personal back-of-the-seat TV.

I arrive in Winnipeg and realize that I have no idea who I'm meeting except that her name is Marni. Luckily Marni is smart and has made a cool "David Hein" sign with music notes all around my name. I feel very rock-star.

Marni's very cool and is excellent car company for the 2.5 hour drive to Brandon. She's also gotten up uber early to drive to Winnipeg and then drive back. Marni fills me in on the fest (she's performed in years past) and we discuss art and poetry (she's a poet), nutrition (she's a reiki master) and lots of other things - the drive goes fast.

Marni drops me off at my billet house. Lyall and Brenda are putting me up - Lyall works across the road and stops home to set me up for a nap downstairs. I am ridiculously tired. As soon as I lie down though, I am stalked and attacked by possibly the cutest kitten ever. "Moneypenny" is 3 months old - and a new person lying on her couch is too much to take. She climbs on my head, nuzzles in my armpit and sticks her ass in my face. Not a lot of sleep - but I will trade kitten cuteness for rest any day.

Lyall comes back from work with Brenda, his fiancee - sweet folks and very accomodating. We hang out for a while as they prep for the fest - this is their favourite weekend of the year - Lyall's been going for around 15 years and is now on the festival board.

Lyall gives me a rock star delivery to the festival in his turquoise fiat. A fiat is a tiny Italian convertible - it looks very cool, except for the fact that Lyle and I are big guys and stick out of the top of it like pop-up toys. Lyle purchased it for $200 from some guy's barn - since then he's got it working, but hasn't been able yet to fix up the extra stuff like dashboard leather cracks, small chips, and, you know... brakes.

I'm told later that fiat stands for "Failure in Automotive Technology", "Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation" and, my favourite, "Fix It Again Tony." But aside from the fact that Lyall uses the parking brake to keep us from crashing into things, it's a sweet ride and - I have to admit - pulling into a festival to the VIP parking area in an Italian sports car is pretty cool.

The festival is in one of Brandon's parks and is a great spot, filled with trees for shade and sporting a nice amphitheatre for the mainstage. I say hi to Matt Duboff, artistic director extraordinaire, and Stacey - another board member, who billeted me last time I was in town - they've been working their asses off to put on a great festival and, now that it's about to begin, seem somehow calm and panicked at the same time. Matt introduces me to The Gruff - the band that's giving me a lift back to Winnipeg at the end of the weekend, but they're busy setting up tents.

I head up to the merch tent and drop off CDs, t-shirts, posters (a new experiment), and comic books, this time specific to the Brandon Folk Fest and featuring an activity page at the end. Everyone seems happy enough about it but it's less of a hit than at Kingfest, where it flew off the shelves.

With all my old & new friends busy setting up, I stand around not sure what to do and suddenly a bit lonely. On the road, I usually get into a solo mood by driving for hours, but between everything, I haven't really had a moment alone... until being in the middle of a music fest...

And then I run into Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. The last time I was in Brandon, I played a Halloween fundraiser for the Folk Fest - which ended in a CRAZY party in which a woman dressed as "Aphrodite, Goddess of Love" cornered me, told me I was cute and offered to show me her breasts - I narrowly escaped that night and suspected that I'd run into her here again.

Aphrodite turns out to be named Kathryn - and barely remembers that night - but remembers me enough to introduce herself - we share a good laugh over it and hang out a bit. She's much cooler when she's not rabidly hitting on me.

Later Brenda shows up and camps out, giving me another friend to hang out with. We talk about Jamaica, where she and Lyall are going to get married next year.

The music starts up with Jan Ek - an awesome reggae artist who's apparently a local legend - since he and a glam rock band were nominated for a Juno in the 80's. He does a wicked cover of "Missing" by Everything But The Girl, but my favourite is his fight-the-man tune with a chorus of "Taking all the planet - replacing it with vomit!" Best use of the word "vomit" in a song.

Francois Tremblay follows him - a francophone from Regina, Saskatchewan (who knew?) who write lovely french songs - most of which are lost on the prairie anglophones... and on my broken frenglish. Sheena Grobb follows with some sweet singer/songwriterness and then I head backstage to tune up.

I'm playing what's called a "tweener" - a short set inbetween two bands - in this case, The Errant and The Nu Phunk Orchestra - who everyone keeps talking about. It's feel like a tough act to fill in the gaps, but the audience is excellent. I've been told that Friday is pretty slow at the Fest, but everyone is surprised at the size - plus, there's a nice excitement about the festival start in the air.

"You all look beautiful," I say, "well, you all look pitch black, but earlier you looked beautiful..."

I'm a bit nervous though being in a strange city with no familiar faces - and the sound tech is too busy setting up Nu Phunk to turn down my crazy loud guitar in the monitors. And then Nu Phunk starts tuning up. It's tough being a tweener - not only are stage techs running around all over, but musicians are warming up right next to you. I had a sax solo through most of one of my songs. I play 3 tunes - I start off with "Stagefright" which feels like a mistake - it's more of an intimate listening tune than a big festival number. Then a new one, called "Where's My Jetpack" which I've only played once before and then "Seventeen" which I dedicate to Aphrodite.

I'm about to do a slow tune, to mix it up, but I'm told to wrap it up, so I play a request for an old friend, Paul, and do "Dear Aunty Emm"... with a sax solo in my ear.

Afterwards, I'm bummed. 4 songs was too short and 4 fast funny songs feels like I misrepresented myself... I get backstage, wish some Nu Phunk guys a good set, and go for a walk. Sometimes after a bad show, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I look for a pay phone but can't find one. I feel very far from home.

Getting back, I run into The Gruff, who are playing frisbee and invite me to join. And suddenly the night is great. People congratulate me on a good show and everyone LOVES jetpack. The Gruff are great folks too - we have a ball hucking the frisbee at eachother and more-than-often hitting the Brandon-TV truck, the sushi tent, and occasionally Nu Phunk dancers. Playing frisbee late into the night while an AWESOME funk band plays in the background and everyone dances is pretty great.

The band finishes and fire dancers start up. We abandon the frisbee and go to watch. A drum circle plays while people hurl flaming sticks and balls etc. around. They each take turns, putting out their keroscene soaked sticks and balls afterwards. Halfway through the keroscene spills and the stage is almost set on fire... a quick fire extinguisher puts it out and the dancing continues, but everyone's a bit freaked out.

Afterwards, I help Lyall & Paul strike the stage and we head home. I lock Ms. Moneypenny out of my room and fall asleep immediately.

==============

SATURDAY

Lyall and I wake up late, grab breakfast at "Mom's diner," and head to the fest for one-ish. My friend Paul Madryga, who I'd only known as a sound tech, is playing the first workshop - and is apparently a wicked fingerstyle guitarist and songwriter.

For those who don't know, "workshops" are really just excuses to get lots of different musicians on stage. Everyone does one song at a time - generally on a theme of some sort. I'm on the next workshop titled "Less is More: 3 Chords & The Truth." I've picked a couple tunes... some of which involve 3 chords... some a couple more... and some of them involve truth...

Also on the bill are The Gruff, who are hosting, Dan Frechette - an amazing folk musician who I played with last time I was in town, and Francois and Jan from last night. I'm pretty happy to be on stage with such amazing musicians - plus no one has any attitude - everyone's totally friendly and cool. Brandon rocks.

I play "Subway Sparrow" because I still feel like I haven't played enough slow songs. It's simple and truthful but has about 6 chords if you count little augmented passing things, which I decide not to. Everyone else plays 5 or 6 chord songs, except for Jan, who brings the average down by playing 2 chord reggae tunes - one featuring the word "vomit."

The Gruff are the only band: Phoedra, the drummer, straps a snare on and stands playing a kick drum. Terri plays upright bass, Jenny guitar, and Adam fiddle. Very sweet folk tunes with beautiful vocals. They introduce everyone, but no one introduces them, so I do: "The Gruff are nicely giving me a lift to Winnipeg tomorrow night... they're also lousy frisbee players."

I also admit that I'm a lousy frisbee player, but it's too late - my frisbee skill bashing becomes a running joke between us for the rest of the weekend.

My second, and last song, I do Jet Pack, which some folks requested (apparently people liked it the night before) AND it actually features only 3 chords... and truth - I do want a jetpack! Anyway, it goes over nicely - everyone sings along, chanting "Where's My Jetpack?! Where's My Jetpack?!" "Get Angry!" I yell. They do.

A good good workshop. I wander happily over to the Beatles Sing Along which I'm apparently featured on next... I found out I was featured on it about 4 days before the festival and therefore know exactly 4 Beatles Songs. This has stressed me out for 4 days and I have listened to the White Album non-stop hoping that it will sink into my fingers in some airborne osmosis process.

Fortunately, the sing along is totally informal - and fortunately for all of us, it's lead by Dan Frechette, who knows EVERY song the Beatles every wrote and many they didn't. Dan has a gigantic book of Beatles tunes and we all gather around him sitting on a picnic table - and then around us the audience gathers - and everyone sings and everyone plays - and it's very folky and awesome. I lead one round of Hard Day's Night, but eventually give into Dan's crazy unstoppable Beatles knowledge.

3 hours later, Dan is still going. Like some of the audience, I need a Beatles break, so I wander back to the mainstage. I'm not playing tonight so I just get to hang out.

I catch two Tegan & Sarah-esque sisters named Katy & Jessica Slimmon who are clearly new to the game, but have lovely voices. Serena Postal does a sweet set and then Dale Willis, an amazing guitarist from Australia, plays one of the best tweeners - doing bizarre percussive guitar slapping. Following Dale, the Dusty Roads band plays some great rock - most impressive is their keyboardists, Jeremy, who is (A) blind and (B) plays 23 instruments, can tune a mandolin while playing a keyboard, and is clearly a music-wunderkind. We all stare dumbfounded at him from the side of the stage.

The Gruff follows with a beautiful set - I take some pictures for them and then get up with a group of dancers and we start the dance party that the rest of the night becomes. Behind the band, the sun sets wonderfully and the festival descends into darkness. A friend of the Gruff, Romi Mayes plays and then the Plaid Tongued Devils, a crazed satanic punk klezmer band kicks it up. I dance with Terry from the Gruff, Dan Frechette, and a crazy happy audience.

Saturday night is PARTY NIGHT at the Brandon Folk Fest. A lovely guy named Dave invites everyone back to his traditional Saturday bash in his gigantic clearing by the river, where torches lead us to a bonfire of partiers and jamming musicians. We all stop at a "vendor" which is apparently what beer stores are called in Manitoba (confusing for us Ontarians who crazily call them "beer stores"). I share my Keith's bottles with the Gruff & Lyall. We try to cook smores but can't get the marshmallows to melt properly. Phoedra and Terri bring out their drum and upright bass and take over the jam - Jeremy from the Dusty Roads band plays mandolin - and tons of other musicians rock out. I play Lost Together, Caroline, and of course, the nicely requested Jetpack, which everyone sings along to - becoming an unofficial Festival anthem in my mind.

Beers later, I have decided I am an upright bass player.

I actually don't remember how we get home...

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SUNDAY

Sunday morning (er... afternoon... felt like morning...), Q has returned.

Q is Lyall & Brenda's other cat. A grey tabby, Q goes out for 5 days at a time, having adventures and then comes back to sleep. I wake up early and watch him sacked out in the living room as tiny Moneypenny excitedly attacks him. (*Lyall, as you may have noticed has a James Bond obsession).

Eventually Lyall is up and we are ready to head out... at which point we realize that Brenda is gone with her car the fiat is still at the Fest. Luckily Lyall's dad is available to swing us round in his minivan (which features brakes).

We get there in time for lunch - the food backstage is amazing the whole weekend - Indian, Buffalo burgers, and a chicken dish that's to die for. There are at least 8 volunteers who cook the whole weekend for us, make conversation with hungover musicians, and are lovely.

I arrive to catch Dave from last night asking for fruit with the tune to Jetpack - "Where's my Orange?! Where's my Orange?!" he sings. That makes me pretty happy.

I catch another local showcase, featuring Kerri Woelke, who was great. Then, a workshop that I wasn't involved with, but really wanted to be - IMPROV 101.

Ever since taking some Second City improv courses in Toronto, I've been trying to incorporate improv and music - and occasionally you'll find a show where I'll make up songs on the spot - some are train wrecks, but some are worth remembering - and the audience gets a kick out of seeing live songwriting.... anyway, I was a little dissapointed by the jam workshop, where everyone - brilliant musicians - made up a live improv tune. It's great - don't get me wrong - but I was hoping they'd add vocals... maybe next year.

After that, I'm back on stage for the "Lovers Lost & Scorned - The Less-Than-Successful Love Song" workshop, featuring The Gruff, The Fugitives, Kate Ferris, and Heather Blush. When I found out about this workshop I wondered at first if we were supposed to play "Unsuccessful love songs" - songs that we'd tried before and they just sucked...

The Gruff have nominated me to host the workshop, which I start off on a greeeeeat note by introducing each act and asking them "how late were you up last night" and "how drunk were you?"

Fortunately, everyone plays great tunes. The Gruff does more fun pretty folk - The Fugitives do amazing spoken word mixed with songs - very fun! Heather Blush and Kate Ferris do hiliarious heartache tunes. People want me to play Jetpack again but I explain that this is a love song workshop and Jetpack is about... jetpacks. Some people try to convince me that it's about my love for a jetpack, but I hold firm. Instead, I ask the Gruff to back me up on Caroline, which for some reason I think is easy to follow - which is totally not (sorry, guys!). To make up for that, I ask them to back me up for Guilt Trip Song, which is just four chords.

Earlier I asked Matt if it was okay for me to swear at the folk fest and he said it was okay with him, so I cut loose - winning over half the audience and alienating the other half. Oh well...

Backstage, Aphrodite introduces me to her daughter - to prove that even though she's a bit strange, she can produce a very cool kid.

The Gruff has to leave immediately, so we rush to the merch tent, sign some CDs, run to the food tent and wolf down food, and then pile into The Gruff's van - which is packed with instruments, bags, and now, very hot musicians...

But the trip is lovely. What's been great about this festival is how many nice musicians I've met and The Gruff are some of the best. I hang out in the back with Adam, talking music and trying not to move much. I panic a bit when I can't find the directions, but then find them in my jacket which I abandoned as soon as I got off the airplane and realized Manitoba was hotter than hell. The trip goes quick - at the turnoff to Winnipeg, Phoedra says, "Last chance to come with us" and I'm tempted to keep touring...

We get lost in Winnipeg a bit (my fault), cool down with Slurpees, and leave with hugs.

I'm staying with Roz, the mother of a friend of my mother and upon arrival, she invites me to her son's birthday party. Her family is apparently numerous - and filled with nice music-appreciating folks. We leave their air-conditioned home and drive over in their air-conditioned car - I am in heaven.

Dinner is great - really nice people - and afterwards they ask me to share some of my songs. And then we sing traditional tunes. Roz's son Michael teaches me Bruce Cockburn tunes and we sing The Band's The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down. It's a sweet way to end a wonderful weekend and for a while I forget how tired I am.

at 4 in the morning I get up and cab it over to the airport. I'm very tired but very happy. Awesome awesome awesome weekend.

Back home, I log onto myspace & facebook to find lots of nice "have you seen a jetpack?" jokes.

Last weekend I air miled my way out to Brandon, Manitoba for the Brandon Folk Festival - 3 days of amazing music, new friends, and some good adventures including kitten attacks, cruising in a car with no brakes, frisbee trash-talking, drunken bonfire jams, and a lot of people obsessed with jetpacks...

Check out my blog page for the whole story...

After a bizarre week (Wednesday: Engagement Part, Thursday: Wedding, Friday: Bachelor Party) my friend Terry asked me to sub in as the last act of a show at the Renaissance Cafe. It's about five minutes from my house so was hard to say no to... I've played some amazing shows there... but also some miserably empty ones so I wasn't particularly looking forward to it, especially since I'd barely had time to let people know and I was playing last.

A nice suprise when the place was relatively full the whole night. A friend of my wife's (& a friend of Marty on catbook) came by with a couple friends. Other friends I hadn't seen in a while came and a crazy man clapped throughout my set. Plus, another friend, Darryl was playing that night and rocked out with his recently purchased Madonna mike. Good times. T-shirts and CDs were sold and the crazy man told me that his producer had 39 gold albums and that I could work with him for free. Score!

Two nights later I was musical guest at The Chemist's weekly improv show at Grace O'Malley's - a surprisingly great Irish bar downtown. I'm always a bit wary of playing comedy shows - I've done a ton in my time, but I always feel like the crowd wants me to be hilarious - and I'm generally a pretty-voiced sensitive singer/songwriter.

But TONIGHT, the crowd was pleasantly drunk and I was comedy-gold. I decided to only play funny stuff, starting with Stagefright as a request, and then trying out a new tune called "Where's My Jetpack?" which everyone sang along to. My new favourite. Then Dear Aunty Emm and Guilt Trip Song ("My last song, unless I get an encore, in which case I'll do a Christina Aguilera cover."). I got an encore, sold out of CDs (dumb, dumb singer/songwriter - next time bring WAY too many CDs...), and the bartender asked for a presskit to maybe play back there later.

Hooray for low expectations!

This past weekend, I played KINGFEST, an amazing 3-day music fest in King City - featuring performers like Jim Cuddy, The Salads, Sarah Harmer, Sloan, Bruce Cockburn, The Trews, The Joel Plaskett Emergency, Justin Rutledge, Oh Susanna, & many more.

THE SHORT VERSION: 3 days of blues, folk, rock, and roll featuring hundreds of comics about me, stealing Jim Cuddy's fruit plate, Jim Cuddy stealing my shirt, a show at Second City, a wedding proposal, crowd surfing to Sloan and an absolutely amazing weekend! I played a great show, sold some CDs, t-shirts, and made some new friends. Awesomeness.

THE (PROBABLY TOO) LONG VERSION:

FRIDAY:

Actually, maybe I should start the week leading up to it, when I naively decided to make a Kingfest Comic Book. "That shouldn't take too much time," I thought. ha ha ha.

Days and hours of frantic drawing, designing, writing, etc. lead to 2pm on Friday, with my entire department at work helpng to fold and staple the damn things. My co-workers are either awesome friends, or desperate to do anything else but their normal work.

With one hand stapling comics, I phone my t-shirt guys in Etobicoke who tell me that the shirts won't be ready till 5pm. I'm supposed to be in King City for 4:45, so this isn't great. PLUS, I still have to pick up the tickets - Kingfest gives me a pass on the day of my show, but I had to buy tickets for myself and Dayna (my "support person" - Kingfest lets you bring in one "support person" with you and Ms. Dayna Hawerchuck, friend to the stars, has nicely volunteered). As I was buying tickets though, Dayna won tickets in a contest, so I now have to scalp my tickets.

Big deep breath.

I bolt out of work with an armful of 100 comics and get the tickets at the only ticketmaster location on Danforth - a bizarre Greek music basement store. Then I speed out to Etobicoke, where the guys are frantically trying to box my shirts (which look great, by the way - you should all buy 2, because you will wear through the first one).

The radio is playing Kingfest ads and as I pull off the 404 I see signs leading to Senica's campus. This is my first big festival and I'm still overwhelmed by its scale.

I get up to Kingfest for 7. Dayna has the patience of a saint. Still, we catch most of The Salads kickass opening.

I drop off the comics at the merch booth - I'm a bit nervous about how they'll be taken, but everyone loves them. Jeanne, a cool volunteer, started handing them out to everyone who came in the tent. Walking around I started seeing my comics everywhere - which was great - except it meant I needed a LOT more for the next two days.

The rest of the night is awesome - Joel Plaskett & The Emergency kicks ass and I am buying all of his CDs. I got to give him one of my comics afterwards and he seems totally cool rocking out in his homemade sweater vest.

The Trews blow the stage up. They're from Antigonish, but always feel like neighbours because their manager used to live next to me and they were always on his porch. John-Angus does things with a guitar I've never seen. They were recently dropped from their label and it's ridiculous because the crowd loves them.

Finally Sloan comes onstage. Chris Murphy is a huge ham - and is brilliant at working the crowd. He's also having so much fun - the whole band is - like they've got nothing to prove. And they don't - the place is packed with moshing, crowd-surfing Senica students chanting the sloan anthem ("Slooooo-ooooan") over and over. A fight breaks out in front of us over whether one guy dropped another while he crowd surfed. A group in front of us keeps, um, sucking on another guy's jacket, which looks bizarre until they decide to offer Dayna a suck from their bag of whiskey they've hidden in their jacket. She politely declines. Behind us, someone keeps yelling drunken encouragement to the band - "You're doing great, Sloan!" "You're at the top of your game, Sloan!"

The night ends and we agree to meet back at noon, giving me enough time to make a ton more comics and maybe, sleep a little.

SATURDAY:

The next day I'm up early printing off hundreds of comics and sitting with a stapler folding and folding and folding and folding. I boot it up to Kingfest, getting there late (Dayna = very patient) and we head in. We drop the shirts and CDs at the merch booth where they find me a corner next to Jim Cuddy's stuff - which makes me pretty happy.

Here's how festival merch works. Since Kingfest benefited Habitat for Humanity, everything gets marked up - it also makes it easier for everyone if all shirts are the same price, etc. So my $15 CDs became $20, and $20 shirts became $25. But it's all for a good cause, so who cares. Still, I get permission to undercut HFH and sell off the stage after my performance for cheap.

Dayna and I grab the staplers that I've "borrowed" from work and head to the Habitat stage, where I'll be playing, to sit and staple and fold and fold and fold.

Onstage we catch the Senica Independent Music program grads and students. It sounds like School of Rock for the college crowd - I wish I'd had something like it - some are more impressive than others, but overall they're a pleasure to listen to - there should be some cool talent coming out of Senica.

While we're stapling, Steve and Shannon from Kingfest introduce themselves - they're the folks who booked me and are both totally nice. Steve's very excited about the comic books and hands it out to all the Kingfest crew who all come over to say hi. Comic books rock.

My friend, Snoovy arrives and buys my extra tickets. We finish up a couple hundred comics and drop them off at the merch tent. I think neither one of us wants to see a Staple for a while.

We hang out in the beer tent eating lunch and watching a fiddle workshop with Anne Lindsay, Jim Cuddy's violinist, and an amazing soloist. Dayna introduces me to her. Then we watch Jack D and Japhy Ryder, funky rock bands, play back at the Habitat stage. The Habitat stage (short for Habitat for Humanity) is aimed at showcasing up n comers like yours truly. The bands are diverse, but all really quite good.

Dayna, who I swear knows everyone, introduces me to Suzie from Oh Susanna and her husband Cam, who drums for her. Their son Sal is passed out in a buggy. I saw them play recently at NXNE, so I'm a bit aflutter, but they're really grounded, down-to-earth folks. They like the comic too. We also meet Lynne Miles, who I've never heard before - also very nice.

Two little girls are selling water from the back of a plastic wagon. They offer me $2 for 5 comics, but I refuse the toonie and give them as many as they want. The next time I see them they're shouting "Water bottles! One Dollar! Free comic with every bottle!" VERY cute.

Back in the food area, I make friends with the nice water people (whose daughters are the little entrepreneurs) and they hand out my comics at their booth. I also catch up with Merchants of Green Coffee, friends of friends and providers of some of the best coffee in Toronto (I hear).

Finally we go see a "heartland workshop" and pass out in the sun listening to beautiful fingerpicking and piano tunes.

Later I geek out and take pictures of my merch intermixed with Jim Cuddy's.

Back at the mainstage, it's a totally different crowd from last night's Moshers. People have come to listen, chill out, and smoke up. Oh Susanna plays - Suzie and Cam putting on a great show, while their son, Sal, gets bounced by Anne Lindsay backstage - she even lets him hold her violin.

Jim Cuddy arrives and a massive line of girls cue up to get their picture with him. Dayna offers to introduce me, but I'd rather meet him when I'm not one of the lineup.

Justin Rutledge plays a sweet set, followed by Lynne Miles, who's playing with Lyle Molzan - the drummer on my album. I see him by the stage and we catch up a bit. He plays a great set with Lynne (whose music is lovely, btw) and he's playing Sunday with a kids group called "Sho Mo & The Monkey Bunch."

Inbetween Al Simmons hams it up. At one point, Snoovy gets grabbed to read the list of sponsors, for which she is rewarded with "Jim Cuddy's food!" He grabs her and they run backstage, giving her the option of a veggie plate or a fruit plate. She shares with the crowd, but Dayna and I eat a fair bit - Jim Cuddy's fruit tastes better than normal fruit.

Finally Jim Cuddy comes on and Dayna, who's seen him a million times, wants to get up and dance - but the audience is comfy and happy and the 20 or so dancers get asked to sit down.

I'm a big fan of Blue Rodeo and Jim Cuddy, so my biased review is that they rocked like crazy. Anne Lindsay does a completely Keelor-esque crazy solo and Justin Rutledge and Kathleen Edwards both guest on vocals. Prairie Oyster comes on afterwards and plays some sweet laid back acoustic-rock. I'm not familiar enough with their stuff, so just before they finish, we leave.

On my way out I pass out a couple more comics - and run into an old friend, Carol, who recognizes my name on them! I haven't seen her in years! She says she'll come see my show tomorrow.

It's late, but I head over to Shannon's bar, the Hunt Pub - a cozy place PACKED with people. Jack D has come over to jam and afterwards, the Sofa Kings, the house band, invite me up for Magic Carpet Ride and Brown Eyed Girl, which I trash my voice on a bit - but have a great time.

On the way home, Irene asks me to pick up some groceries from Shopper's. Yep. Nothing says "independent musician" like grocery shopping at a drugstore at 2 in the morning.

SUNDAY:

I'm actually on time today - and Dayna is late! Ha! I get to park in the "artist" parking lot, and checking in I get my Kingfest lanyard ("David Hein of David Hein"), my wristband, and directions. Volunteers offer to help move my stuff and I feel very official.

Dayna and I head to log cabin - the backstage area for artists, which we're now allowed into - complete with breakfast (there's even beer available at 10am!... I opted for a muffin and juice), working bathrooms (no more porta potties for us), and other sleepy artists to mumble at. Still, it feels cool to be there after watching Friday & Saturday musicians troop in and out.

I'm playing relatively soon, so I head over to the stage to tune up and ask Dayna to pass out the rest of the comics. Onstage is the local Schomberg Idol winner - a 12 year old girl who does a mean KT Tunstall and then turns on the Broadway. She's really good... I hope I'm as good as her. Following her is Dr. Joel - an amazing blues musician who recently was diagnosed with cancer and channeled his emotions into recording a CD - a sweet, awesome guy. He's played Kingfest 3 times now and pulls out a crowd - most of whom disappear after his set.


I hang out next to the stage in the tent there - which I imagined was full of coolness, but in reality is just an empty tent - but still the shade is fantastic - and I get to warm up out of site. After a whole week building up to this, I'm nervous, but I get on stage and it's all just business as usual. John & Rob, the techs set me up and I joke with Steve, who tells me that based on my comic, I'm his "blatant self-promotion inspiration."

The show is great - totally fun. There's only about 50 people there for me at noon, but I can see toes tapping, people dancing and smiles all around. Everyone claps through "The Show Must Go On" and afterwards I thank everyone for coming to the "main stage", but encourage them to check out the up n comers at the end of the lane - "last night I saw a new guy named Jim Cuddy who I think will really go places." My voice is a bit rough from last night's rockin', but I cruise right through it. The sun is out. It's warm and I'm at a big festival having the time of my life.

Afterwards, Shannon tells me I was "charming" and everyone congratulates me on a good set. The next act, Poor Tom (two women doing beautiful folk - one of whom is a minister and had a service earlier) gives me props for being able to make jokes during songs. My friend Carol, an old theatre friend, loves Stagefright and a bunch of other friends have made it out. I sign a lot of CDs. I'm pretty happy.

Unfortunately I can't stick around. Irene's in her big Second City conservatory show downtown and I wouldn't miss it for the world - although it sucks to leave, I rush off, passing by Sho Mo & The Monkey Bunch singing an alphabet song to Dayna & a bunch of kids. I give Lyle a thumbs up and jump into my car.

Since this is my music blog, I'll just say the show was amazing and I've got no talent compared to her.

I get back to Kingfest around 6:30ish - half an hour after I've told everyone I'll meet them at the merch tent - a theme for the weekend. At the merch tent, Jeanne buys a CD and I sign it for her. I find Carol in the crowd and then get found by everyone else - apparently a big blonde guy in a David Hein shirt is easily spotted.

The rest of the day flies by. I meet up with Kim, an old teacher and friend of mine, who used to be in a band which opened for the Crash Test Dummies. I get chicken and little potatoes backstage - free band food tastes better than normal food.

Sarah Harmer does a great set - I hang out with Mary, another cool Kingfest crewmember who knows EVERY word and wants to volunteer as her understudy. Then suddenly in the middle of her set, the crowd starts applauding like crazy. At the front of the stage is a man down on his knees and a VERY surprised woman, wearing a ring. Awwwww. We all cheer like crazy and Sarah changes the lyrics (so Mary tells me) to fit the occasion.

We take a quick break to cash out at the Merch Booth. Not bad. I sold a bunch of CDs and t-shirts... one to Darryl - and we all model our team-shirts.

Apparently there's a discrepancy. They're missing a t-shirt of mine - and the money for it - but agree to pay for it. Our theory: I had one blue shirt mixed in with Jim Cuddy's, so we think Jim made off with it in retrobution for the fruit plate. On the way out, one of the merch booth volunteers follows me after to grab a CD for the lower, less-marked up price.

Bruce Cockburn is the only mainstage artist who doesn't play with a band. Not that he needs it. His thumb plays a bass line and his pinky drums, while the rest of his fingers pick the most beautiful tunes ever.

John, the sound guy from the Habitat stage welcomes me backstage, and I hang out with Shannon, John and Rob, singing along to "Wondering Where the Lions Are." Shannon wants the crowd to start clapping along and says she going to jump on stage to tell them. We tell her security will take her down and she says, "Are you kidding? Security wants to date me!"

Later I stand four feet away from Sarah Harmer, but she's talking to people and I'm tired... oh well. Next time.

Bruce sings every hit. Waiting for a Miracle is stunning. I find a chair and watch him from behind, blissing out on the endless night and the stars. I wish he'd played "If I had a rocket launcher" (or "lawn-chair" as John calls it) - we guess that maybe he doesn't feel as angry now.

I lose them all on the way out, but catch up with Dayna, Darryl, & Cheri. They help me throw all my stuff into my car and then they head home. I go home too... and find a huge party going on on my deck. Everyone from Second City is chilling out. For the first time the whole weekend, I have a beer and chill out too.

Best weekend ever.

I thought I'd share this email from Trixie Doyle about her son Colin - because it's too cute not to share:

Hiya!
Just thought I'd let you know that Colin has been doing David Hein impersonations ever since we saw you at Chapters. Colin grabs his toy guitar and does a few songs and then takes a break 'to say hello to the people and sell a few cds." He mostly makes up his own songs (my favourite is "there's a lamp") but he also does a few of your songs as well... his favourite right now is Seventeen... he asked me what that song was about, so if he ever asks you about it, my current explanation is that it's all about how 'interesting' life can be when you're seventeen. Fortuantely, he bought that. If he ever figures out what it really means, I'm blaming his corruption entirely on you. :)

This past weekend, I played KINGFEST, an amazing 3-day music fest in King City - featuring performers like Jim Cuddy, The Trews, The Salads, Sarah Harmer, Sloan, Bruce Cockburn, The Joel Plaskett Emergency, Justin Rutledge, Oh Susanna, & many more. Check out my blog for a full show diary and pictures!

I had a bizarre day yesterday.

It started at work, going to the funeral of a friend's mother. Friday is jeans day at work, but I was dress in a suit for the funeral ("Hey David! How was the job interview?" Ha ha ha). After work, I went home, changed into jeans and headed out to pick up Mr. Shawn Sage, a Toronto musician who plays a lot in similar circles around town, but we'd barely met. We've got an hour drive both ways up to Bradford so I hope he's cool.

Turns out he's an awesome guy with crazy red sideburns. We chat happily winding our way up the 404, through King City (where I'm playing with an ton of cool artists in June's KINGFEST), to Bradford.

Bradford: a city with more bars than people - a bizarre place, but kind of cool in a "I had the strangest dream last night..." kind of way. Bradford was, we find out later, the original contender for the Newmarket mall, but due to some small town politics, the mall went to Newmarket... making it into a "big" city and keeping Bradford down. Or at least that's what we're told.

We're playing at Laurinda's - a small bar just off the strip. We expect a ton of traffic so have budgeted tons of time, expecting to play around 9. Instead, we get there at 7:30ish and find out we're playing around 10. We drop our stuff off, chat with John, the owner of Laurinda's, and head out to explore Bradford.

For a small town, Bradford has an unexpected diversity of restaurants - Irish, Mexican, Carribean... and lots of bars with lots of live music. We walk up and down Holland street perusing the cover band pictures in the windows of bars. Neither Shawn or I are hungry yet and we've got a fair bit of time to kill.

Which is when we see the Bradford Bowlerama.

Downstairs there's an awesomely retro bowling alley. For $4 each we play a round of 5-pin with the Canadian small balls. Apparently Shawn used to be on a bowling league. I was never on a bowling league and haven't played in years. He kicks my ass 110 to 150 something.

Hungry, we head to Big Momma's Soul Food - which I can't recommend enough - SO GOOD! Not that you'd be able to find it, unless you parked in the back of Laurinda's where it's located. Still, it's a cool little Jerk place with pictures of Cassius Clay up on the walls and a big screen TV playing Bill O'Reilly, who was waxing poetic about how a suicide jumper on the George Washington bridge held up traffic for hours and was clearly a terrorist. The owner, Shawn and I all howled. Who knew Bill O'Reilly was so funny?

After dinner we talk to the owner a bit, telling him that we're playing across the way. He asks what kind of music and I tell him "Barenaked Ladies... Blue Rodeo." His kid is apparently crazy about Barenaked Ladies since hearing their song in Chicken Little - and Cars apparently had a country song in it that he loves. He says, "My little black kid loves all sorts of white music. He's going to grow up to become the first black country singer!"

We head into the bar, tune up and soundcheck. It doesn't sound great, but we're not sure what the problem is. Maybe it's the mic, or the bouncy windows behind us, or the speakers that are facing the stage, rather than towards the audience...

My wife, Irene & a good friend, Lisa arrive - up for a road trip and a crazy night. They are the only crowd. I ask Irene to hold my cell phone and keys (a point which will become important later...). Outside we set up my banner and a nice woman with an arm brace says she'll keep an eye on it for me. Also outside, a girl with a ferret lets me hold him. I get little ferret furs all over me - which appear suddenly under the black light back inside.

Finally a small crowd comes in and I start playing. But the sound sounds terrible - Shawn gets up and turns down my guitar to try to nix some feedback - then John gets up to "try something else" and turns my guitar up. The crowd is... bizarre. 3 women wearing white pants which glow under the black light grind and shake all over the bar while a bunch of guys watch. One girl writes an X on her ass and encourages everyone to kiss it. They are clearly the entertainment for the night. We are background music.

I'm distracted by the sound and the distracted crowd for most of my first set. Shawn gets up and manages to grab their attention for a bit with some covers and songs that work better for grinding and shaking. But he gets tired quickly of being, as he puts it, "a monkey for those girls" so he plays more of his tunes - awesome acoustic roots numbers - but the girls stop dancing and go next door to the nightclub.

Irene & Lisa, deeply impressed by the awesome sound and crowd, high tail it back to Toronto. I decide that on break we should go bowling again but the bowlerama is closed.

Back at the bar, we drink.

Terry, who booked the show for us, sets up a monitor and the sound improves the second set. The white-pants girls come back, but so do some other nice folks who are actually there to listen. I play some covers, but enjoy pulling out the quieter stuff near the end. Surpisingly I sell a CD or two. Shawn has a better second set too and we both play a bit longer, stretching the night until 2 in the morning. Tired we pack up and say goodbyes.

Which is when I look for my keys. Which are in Irene's purse. Irene, who is back in Toronto. Sleeping. Oh god.

We are trapped in Bradford.

John lets me use the phone in the back. Irene's already on her way. She found the keys in her purse and had her own "oh god" moment. Quickly she phoned my cell phone... which rang in her purse. Then she tried to find the bar's number... which isn't listed. Then she got back in the car.

Irene is a trooper.

We shut down the bar with John and hang out as he tells us about his girlfriend and comments on clubbers outside. Finally, Irene arrive. Blurry-eyed we drive slowly back to town, drop off Shawn and somehow make it home.

I don't even remember falling asleep.