This curtain opens in an hour
And the lighting’s losing power
And the leading lady says she’s feeling sour
Backstage it’s like a train wreck
Since Mister Director
Took his name off the project
And quit

What if we put on a show
And nobody came
Would nobody know – no
What if I forgot my lines
And said what I felt
Would anyone stop me before I
dismayed myself

This show is going down the toilet
If it was a needle, I’d probably boil it
Cause it looks infected, there’s something dejected
About this whole process, without any focus
I’m getting the heck out

What if I put on a show
And nobody came
Would I just go home, would I just go home
What if I forgot my lines
And said what I felt
Would anyone stop me before I
betrayed myself

If I talk to myself then I might get some answers
I could fire the actors and get me some dancers
And if we had a barn, we could put on a show
Even though there’s no exit, we could wait for Godot
And we might get a Tony, if we get to Broadway
And then we’d get Nathan Lane to perform in an odd way
I can read the reviews, I can handle the critics
I can swallow the truth, but I can’t get back in it
I’m losing my lines, I’m losing my cues
It’s breaking my heart cause I’m losing you

What if we put on a show
And nobody came
Would nobody know who you were - no
What if I forgot my lines, and said what I felt
What anyone stop me before I
displayed myself

This curtain opens in a minute
The speaker says places, the actors get with it
The theatre’s hungry, they’re seating the critics
And backstage the blacklight is lighting the hall
And nobody whistles and noone says Macbeth
And nobody’s happy with this holy mess

But I’m in the green room, I’m packing my crap
I’m getting the hell out before I get more goddamn depressed
And upstairs they’re wondering how they’ll get through Act one
Without me to tell them that this play is long since done
The stage manager makes the first call
There’s suddenly silence

The sandbag falls

What if we put on a show
And nobody came
Would nobody know
What if I forgot my lines
…
Would I just make them up
What if I said how it’s done
And told you all how
Would anyone stop me stop me now
What if we put on a show
And nobody came
Would nobody know – no, no, no, no, no, no
What if I forgot my lines
And said what I felt
What anyone stop me before I, I, I
Amazed myself