So let me get this straight
If I am good for every day this year I'll get a gift
From Old St. Nick, it's my reward
For giving up on fun for all of the other three hundred and sixty four
And for what indeed?
I'd rather steal myself a couple bikes and wait for one on Christmas Eve

You can't even ride a bike when the roads are covered white
And I, I'm looking forward to Coal On Christmas

It's not that I don't like the lights
And all the snow and trees and mistletoe and menorahs for the Jews
It's just that you would have to prove
The value of a year of being good against a toy or two

If out of Santa's sack came a jet pack
Maybe that'd make it worth it, giving up on badness
But otherwise I'm okay with Coal On Christmas

Would I give up skipping class and staying out late and hating mass
And would I have to eat my vegetables?
I'm having trouble with this concept, who invented this and what about the tension?
Doesn't that make up enough for shooting rubber bands at Suzy Derkin.

Okay, okay...
Let's call a spade a spade, admit that it's a scam
For mom and dad, cause I'm not dumb
I know that dad and mom are occasionally bad themselves
So what the hell, they still get gifts
So this year I will be as bad as I can be and see what I can get

Dear Santa, I would like... one jet pack
Or I'll cut off Rudolph's head and stuff it in your sack
Don't you dare give me * Coal On Christmas!
Yeah I can swear, cause I don't care if you give me Coal On Christmas
Coal On Christmas
Coal On Christmas